Time is my nemesis

My greatest nemesis at this point - is time. 

Time for the next appointment... where doctors would slap on yet again more bad news. 

Time continues to tick away. And with each passing day, week, or month, it gets closer and closer to Little Faith's birth, and eventually... Her end. 

While most parents look forward to the birth of the baby, cos they finally get to see them... 

I cherish the moments I have with Little Faith while she's in my womb. Because once she's born, it means her suffering begins, where she's forced to survive on her own feeble heart and lungs... before she eventually leaves me, and for good. 

There are times I feel happy to feel her kick, there are times I feel sad when her strong kick only reminds me of how weak they will soon become when she is born. 

Some days I feel okay, and on others I feel a sense of deep sadness and forlorn of a future I'll never have with Little Faith. 

Life is not a fairy tale. There is no happily ever after ... after passing the exams, winning a competition, after a successful graduation, after a wedding, after a pregnancy... no, life doesn't just end there. Life just becomes life, it gets harder and harder. 

But I have hope and a quiet sense of peace that...even when my life is hanging by a thread, it is a thread knit by God. 

And there is beauty in that. There is beauty, even in suffering.